I never kept a diary

So, this is it. I've spent months contemplating whether to just set this up or not. Which was probably a massive over-contemplation seeing as no-one will read it anyway.

Then as soon as I did start writing that last sentence I decided that I didn't know what to do, so I got drunk. That was last weekend and now it's Friday. But I did decide that I might as well be vaguely productive while I was getting drunk so I asked a 17 year old boy what he would blog about if he had a blog. (I don't often hang around with boys, much less boys that are 17, he is my friends brother that I was 'babysitting' while she was at work).

Over a pint, he proclaimed that anything I wrote about would be interesting because I am an interesting person. I don't quite believe him, but I was quite flattered all the same.

Here is a list of things that he/we thought people would like to read:-
Music, my general thoughts on life, UFO's, deep sea diving, Tegan and Sara amongst many other things.

Thing is, these don't strike me as particularly interesting things to read about.

So, instead, I am going to write about procrastination.

Ever since I saw the Ellen stand-up DVD where she talks about her problems with procrastination, I realised that it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Sure, I may have wasted half my life thinking about what I want to do and not actually getting on with it. But, I figure if I lived my life at full pace all the time I would a) end up having a heart attack by the time I'm 30, or b) actually be a success and then spend the rest of my life chilling out safe in the knowledge that I've already worked hard enough for a life time.

Ok, so maybe option b doesn't sound so bad, but do you really want to spend your youth working so hard that you don't have any fun.

But then, I am sat here writing on a computer on a sunny Friday night about my inconsequential thoughts on life instead of living. So that gets me thinking, am I just procrastinating about procrastinating.

Or is my procrastination just veiling my laziness. When I say I'm lazy, I'm not really that lazy. I have a full on 9-5 job, I have a house that demands constant upkeep, and don't get me started on the whole paying bills issue, that seems to take up a good majority of my life. Probably because I'm constantly putting it off.
So maybe my real problem is just putting things off. A complete lack of drive to seize the moment. As Corey says in Empire Records, 'there are 24 usable hours in every day, and I intend to use them all'.

Has the present day ethos of 'chill time' taken over my life. Because, let's face it, for me, chill time is just more time to contemplate the things I should be doing.

Here is a list of jobs/things that I need to do, bear in mind that I wrote this about two months ago now.

Paint the lounge, paint the outside windows, clear out the cellar, join a gym, wipe both of my computers and re-install all the software and hardware, re-paint my bedroom, start my advertising portfolio, contact the people I have fallen out of contact with, find a girlfriend or someone to have 'special time' with, back-up my hard drive, start a podcast, learn how to make a website and many many other things.

Guess what I'm doing this weekend? Nothing. Well maybe go bra shopping, re-watch season one of the L word and watch the Simpson's Movie but that is pretty much it.

So maybe my problem isn't procrastination or laziness, maybe it is in fact time management. See, at work I'm productive, but I guess thats because I like my job, and I'm getting paid to do a job. So maybe the government instead of giving money to benefit cheats should be spending money on encouraging me to do the things I need to do in life. A bribe would work well too,to get me to do these menial jobs.

My parents were the king and queen of 'encouragement bribes'. There was nothing that my sister and I wouldn't do for money. I reckon the only reason I passed my GCSE's was because there was a great big pot of money waiting for me at the end of the exam rainbow.

I'm also completely rubbish at entertaining myself, I could be writing some fantastic new songs, or getting on with everything in the above mentioned list. However these things are just no fun to do by myself. I crave the company of others.

So I don't really know where this leaves me, I think I have successfully managed to talk myself into a circle of nonsense. But at least from beginning to end I have managed to entertain the notion of this blog entry for an entire week. And that, my friends, is what I call dedication to the cause!

I probably have about seven entries worth of thoughts in this, but hey, I can always go back at later date and reconcile some of the thoughts with meaningful stories.

Also if you want to comment feel free to do so, let me know about your procrastination nightmares, or tell me that my blog sucks. All feedback is welcomed like a big hug in a mug.

Happy weekend.